We had an incredible opportunity given to us recently that, had it been five years ago, I would not have been able to receive or enjoy. I wanted to write about it because I realized how easy it is to sabotage God’s blessings in our lives, material, relational, and spiritual. I have spent a lot of years ruining good things. I ruined them due to an inability to receive love or good things from the Lord. Details to follow…
Rich and I met the funniest young man when we went out to dinner one evening. While talking to him, we learned he owned multiple businesses in Indonesia and Europe and had recently opened a new Japanese place he couldn’t wait for us to try. He invited us to dinner the next week at his newly opened Japanese Omakase Fine Dining Restaurant. I immediately began researching what this was and what was to be expected of me for this occasion.
“Immerse yourself in our chef’s table experience, featuring a curated menu of 14 to 19 courses showcasing the best of Japanese cuisine. From fresh sashimi to expertly grilled seafood and exquisite sushi, our dishes highlight locally sourced ingredients and authentic Japanese flavors. Our intimate setting accommodates only 8 guests per seating, ensuring an exclusive and personalized dining experience. Choose from two omakase seating times at 7 PM and 9 PM, tailored to your schedule.”
19 courses? Exclusive and personalized dining experience? Oh my…
We watched as the chefs meticulously crafted each dish, each component perfected, no detail overlooked. As they prepared each course, they gave particular instructions and details of what we were about to enjoy and the appropriate way to enjoy them. We had permission to use our hands on some utensils or chopsticks on others; once the Master Chef said, “You must eat it all in one bite!”… it was such a fun and incredible experience!
I told Rich several times how thankful I was that Jesus gave us this opportunity. I was able to soak in every moment and just be grateful.
Eight years ago, or even five years ago, I am not sure I would have been able to receive this from God. I would have felt like I didn’t belong. I would have acted quietly and felt uncomfortable in an unfamiliar atmosphere.
When I am feeling insecure, I don’t wear a sign on my head that reads “Warning: I feel insecure and don’t know what to do with myself”… I just act weird, and whoever is around gets to feel it. Can you relate?
If our self-esteem is not intact, we cannot receive the blessings God has for us. When we feel insecure, we often behave strangely, awkwardly, or even rudely. We create awkward situations and cause others to feel our insecurity. Our behavior or attitudes can easily prevent others from enjoying things, which is unacceptable. Even though we experience the blessing, our insecurity will prevent us from enjoying it, embracing it, or being thankful for it.
I was reminded again just how far God has brought me and what He has healed me from.
Early in our marriage, Rich took me to buy two pairs of what I considered to be expensive jeans. I had never spent much money on clothes or myself, for that matter. I would get a few things for Christmas or my birthday, but never had I spent money on myself that wasn’t “reasonable.” Let me tell you, my poverty mentality game was strong.
Rich had me try these jeans on, and he said, “Oh, I love them! Let’s get them!” Husband approved! Awesome. I would never have made it to the fitting room had I checked the price tag.
I learned how much they were when the cashier took Rich’s card to pay. I panicked, burst into tears, and literally ran away through the store. Looking back, it was a silly amount to be so dramatic about, Rich probably thought he married a crazy person, poor guy. He caught up to me, and I cried, telling him I didn’t want the pants. “Please return them!” I begged him, and he refused, saying he wanted to bless me. I was so angry. I felt so terrible. We could use that money for, well, anything, but not on me. I didn’t deserve it.
Little did I know, it came from a deep-seated root of worthlessness. I was not worthy of having nice things. I was not worthy of good things. I was not worthy to be promoted in life… in any area.
All of my life, I unconsciously sabotaged and attempted to ruin every good blessing God tried to give me.
The pants were the beginning of me recognizing how dysfunctional I was. Why did I behave that way? Why do I feel so upset? It was also the beginning of me renewing my mind and pursuing healing.
I began to recognize patterns of insecurity woven into every fiber of my being. I identified the roots of rejection, fears, what-ifs, and unknowns and began to see myself differently. I went from being a wounded and rejected person, unwanted and undeserving, to being able to embrace the blessings of God. Not because I am so awesome and deserve them… but because God is so awesome and He loves me. His promises are for me. I just had to learn to believe it and receive it.
“Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!”
Psalms 103:2-5 NLT
Had I remained buried in these wounds, I would have disqualified myself, or blocked myself, from receiving spiritual, relational, and material blessings from my Father in Heaven. I picture Him reaching out his hand to give me a gift and me running away like I did with Rich and the pants, crying, “I don’t deserve it!”.
So, when a young man invited my husband and me to a once-in-a-lifetime dining experience, I didn’t run away crying. I didn’t turn him down in deep fear that I was unworthy or not good enough. I said, “Thank you, Lord, for this blessing. I receive it from you.” And I went on to enjoy the night of a lifetime.
Girl, you need some healing if you cannot accept this. When you reflect on your behavior when you feel insecure, you know exactly what I am talking about. How I saw myself before God’s healing in my life was low, worthless, beneath everyone, and undeserving. This mindset is the exact mindset the enemy wants each of you to have, embrace, and keep. He wants to smash every gift Jesus has wrapped for you to open.
He does this by convincing you that you are a poor, sad wretch who deserves to be held down in the dirt. He convinces you that God agrees and that His Blood is not enough for you. You are not good enough for his blood and freedom.
“How could God love a person like you? You are unloveable,”… says the devil himself. If there ever were an appropriate time for a curse word, this would be it. DO NOT allow the enemy to win the battle within yourself. JESUS WILL WIN IF YOU ALLOW HIM TO WIN.
“Lord, I do not know what it will take for every woman reading this to have the spiritual breakthrough you graciously gave me… but I know you have it for them, so I ask them to receive it. Let them see themselves how YOU see them. Bring about the healing that needs to take place. Uproot the wounds that prevent your love from penetrating their hearts and remove all barriers keeping them from receiving your love. Let them embrace every gift, every blessing, spiritual, relational, or material, simply because you love them. Teach us to say, “Thank you, Lord, I receive it.” Then, truly receive and embrace what you want to bestow on us. In Jesus Name, Amen!”
Don’t allow the enemy to ruin or rob you of one more of God’s gracious gifts. You are His precious daughter… And because He is good, and because He wants you to have them, just reap the blessings of His love. ❤️
GO Girl’s… ENJOY THE BLESSINGS!!
