Lately, I have been really challenging myself to DIG DEEP. I feel a sense of urgency because I don’t have time to play games with my destiny. I turn 43 this month. I am getting too old to make excuses and ignore real issues in myself, my character, and my heart. I blame this all on God. It is by His grace that I feel this way. I feel conviction and a sense that I need to stop messing around.
So here are my thoughts for the week, maybe a month, or life. And I am still working it out.
A broken heart before God is required for my sin. Not words. Not agreement. Not ‘yes, I know’.
“For the source of your pleasure is not in my performance or the sacrifices I might offer to you. The fountain of your pleasure is found in the sacrifice of my shattered heart before you. You will not despise my tenderness as I bow down humbly at your feet.” – Psalms 51:16-17 TPT
“For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it; You do not delight in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise.” – Psalms 51:16-17 NKJV
I danced around issues I didn’t want to pay attention to, deal with, or ADMIT. If I weren’t making excuses and playing the victim, I would superficially acknowledge them, but most of the time, it was just to keep everyone happy.
It was a performance. Sometimes, I could change my behavior for a time and fool even myself. “Look, God, at what I am sacrificing! Look at what I am DOING for you!” But my heart was never truly confronted, and the SIN was never dealt with.
My most recent issue, which I will write about later and totally expose myself lol, is one I have been dealing with for YEARS. Rich has been confronting me on it for YEARS. I found it annoying and would “agree,” but this last time, the most horrible thing came flying out of my mouth. A glimpse of raw TRUTH shot out for one moment, and then it was too late to take back.
“I DON’T WANT TO CHANGE. I DON’T WANT TO REPENT!! I want control of the situation, and if I change, I won’t be in control, and I will get hurt!!”
Welp. There was the root. As ugly as, well, sin.
Up until that point, I agreed and agreed and acknowledged and agreed… but my heart was, “NOPE, I won’t. I will perform like I will change to get you to shut up.”
I finally saw it for what it was. I was in rebellion; I was choosing my way over God’s WORD, and I wanted my sin more than I wanted God’s way. I played the victim and said, “Ya, but you,” so often you would have thought I coined the term.
But the gross, undeniable truth was I wanted my sin more than I wanted to repent.
You know, our words do not make atonement for our sins. Our actions do not make atonement for sin. All of our sacrifices and work? God takes NO satisfaction in them.
The breaking of Christ’s body for sin is the only sacrifice of atonement, for no sacrifice but that could take away sin.
Let’s examine.
I wanted to pamper my flesh. I wanted to feel sorry for myself. I wanted to keep it because it was MINE, comfortable and untouchable. Our flesh is a wicked thing, but we like it.
What does God say about our flesh? Considering Jesus was whipped, beaten, tortured, and crucified on the Cross, suffering for six hours, and died a horrific death all because of our sin and wickedness…. He does not take our flesh as something to be pampered or kept around.
In fact, He requires death to our flesh. That is what He will accept. Nothing else.
You see, we can’t keep our flesh and claim Jesus died for us at the same time. We cannot claim all of the benefits of Christ’s Cross without our own crucifixion. We can’t have it both ways.
Galatians 2:20 says, “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
Right. We know this verse. So make this practical, Annie. How do we DO this verse?
“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise.”
“The breaking of our hearts for sin is a sacrifice of acknowledgment…The broken heart is acceptable to God only through Jesus Christ; there is no true repentance without faith in him, and this is the sacrifice which he will not despise. – MHC
When I discover sin in my heart, my heart must follow with repentance that brings brokenness.
What is brokenness? Feeling bad you were caught or cornered in your sin? Feeling embarrassed? You have no sensible way to explain away your bad behavior, so you must ‘admit’ it?
No.
Brokenness: a breaking, contrite feeling or expressing remorse or penitence. The Hebrew word for brokenness is Shabar, which means crushed, shattered, utterly destroyed.
My sin was definitely not causing me to feel shattered or ‘utterly destroyed.’ I was getting used to my repentance just being words and a stage play, a performance I could put on, and everyone would be appeased… “I am sorry, it will never happen again…” Sure. You know, eventually, people will stop believing you. YOU are the only one you are fooling.
“Yeah, but look at the ministry I do, the effort I am putting in, and the work I am showcasing!!”
Bad news. God despises it all, except for what? “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise.”
When was the last time you were broken due to your sin? Any sin?
When was the last time you fell on your face before the Lord, completely shattered, humiliated, and humbled by the reality that your sin, big or small, cost Jesus the ultimate sacrifice? Not in despair (as we say, when a man is undone, disappointed, and His heart is broken), but in necessary humiliation and sorrow for sin.
Is it still a pet you want to make excuses for? To pamper and keep and play with? Or even ignore and pretend like it’s not there?
When God sees our hearts broken over our sins, guess what happens? He is graciously pleased to accept this. He will not despise it. Of course, it does not PAY for our sin… but this breaking of our hearts for sin is a sacrifice of acknowledgment.
“…but the breaking of our hearts for sin is a sacrifice of acknowledgment, a sacrifice of God, for to him it is offered up; he requires it, he prepares it (he provides this lamb for a burnt offering), and he will accept of it. – MHC
You are acknowledging the cost. You are acknowledging sin is not a small thing, but in humiliation, you receive Christ’s Cross as payment for that sin. And THAT the Lord will accept. Every. Single. Time.
Take your life to another level this year. We have no idea how long we have left on this planet. Why do we waste time fighting for our rights and flesh? Surrender! Break!
Go, girls, join the ranks of women who choose to live crucified. God will use us and USE US MIGHTILY!!
