I recently saw this hilarious video of a woman seething through her teeth, ranting about how her husband had suggested that “he thinks she might be starting her period soon.” She snarls, “HOW FREAKIN’ DARE HE!! HE’S GOT NO IDEA WHEN MY PERIOD IS COMING!!” By the end, she is bellowing like a crazy person, making fun of how ridiculous we can be when we are about to start our periods…
So I did the responsible thing, and I sent it to my friends, and I have watched it at least 50 times because I can’t stop. (I’ll put the link at the bottom so you can join me!)
Unfortunately, this is an all too familiar conversation we have each had with our spouses.
The times I have been told, “Yeah, I don’t want to talk to you about it right now. Your period is about to start, and you are too emotional.” And I want to snap back… “IS THAT RIGHT?!” Or “NO, I’M NOT!” When the truth is I know exactly when my period starts, and I am 100% overly emotional, I just don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to be honest about it.
What a stupid thing. That we don’t want to “admit it”. What is so wrong about acknowledging that it’s not the time for this conversation? Maybe I AM being edgy, irritable, short, or rude? What sense does it make to be stubborn about this and take it out on your family? Why can’t I be mature enough to pause, be self-aware, and learn to work with my body instead of against it?
The reality is hormones can be a beast. Between getting boobs, to PMS/periods every 3-4 weeks, to pregnancy and the postpartum… and just went we think we are through the worst of it, we start this new thing called perimenopause… What? Why?? My mom never mentioned this! I thought I would hit a bump in the road called menopause when I hit 65! Surprise! You start this perimenopause thing in your 40s if you’re lucky.
Want stats?
Our entire lives after our prepubescent years are spent dealing with hormone changes. Think about that.
So, let me ask you an honest question:
IT IS REASONABLE FOR HORMONES TO BE YOUR EXCUSE FOR BAD BEHAVIOR THE MAJORITY OF YOUR LIFE?
I have yet to find anything in Scripture that lets us off the hook. “Women are exempt if they are hormonal.” If you find it, send it to me IMMEDIATELY.
If we allow it to be an excuse, this hormonal pendulum can wreak havoc in our relationships, families, and personal sense of well-being if we do not learn how to manage it. But we don’t have to allow it. We CAN manage it.
Let me say that again. WE DON’T HAVE TO ALLOW IT. We must know our bodies and take responsibility for our health, moods, and behaviors.
Being self-aware of your moods and behaviors, isolating yourself from the people you are hurting, slamming on the breaks in conversations, and being able to acknowledge, “Today isn’t a good day. Would you mind if we set this conversation back until after my period?”. Recognizing when you are out of order, out of control, out of your norm, being a completely unreasonable shrew. And being HONEST about it. Those are all things I regularly do to combat it from overtaking my life.
Here are three simple tips you can start using right away:
1. Recognize! (or to identify something; Sometimes it takes your husband saying, “I think you’re about to start your period.”)
2. Acknowledge! (Accept or admit the existence or truth of…)
3. Take Action! (Put coping strategies into action! Communication, rest, time to yourself away from loved ones, exercise, a hobby, etc.)
Hormonal days are NOT the days to deep-dive into marriage issues, personal turmoil, family drama, etc. Do not take yourself too seriously. Why do I feel sad and depressed today? What is WRONG with me? Oh… PMS. I will go to the movies and keep things light today. My hormones are causing me to feel this… but I will be just fine.
Some days, I have had to just be alone. I will let my husband know, “I am not good; I feel aggressive and irritable, and I don’t want to take it out on you.” He is more than happy to do his own thing, but also is assured that I love him, and my problem ISN’T HIM.
Some days, I have had to tell him I feel emotional, sad, or depressed… I communicate so he isn’t left wondering what my problem is.
One thing I try to NEVER allow myself to do is to act however I want because I have a reason. No, you don’t. There is never a good reason to treat others poorly.
There is never an acceptable reason to be a tyrant in your home, with your children and husband, or to rule the roost (control/dominate) with your mood swings. Absolutely not.
If we are in the habit of cutting loose during our PMS and behaving however we want, we will NOT be prepared when we hit the change of life as we age. Women in their 40s-50s must be able to renew their minds and understand the difference between “feelings” and “truth.” Just because you thought it, doesn’t make it true.
SAY WITH ME: “FEELINGS LIE”
Our truth MUST come from the WORD and not our emotions or imaginations. We must be in tune with our bodies and hormone levels, on top of our doctor check-ups, exercise, and food intake. We can’t just wing it and expect to make it. It requires WORK, DISCIPLINE, and EDUCATION on our part to navigate these years, and with God’s grace, you will be a testimony of how to do it right.
There are too many women who blow their marriages and families apart because they ignore the blaring truth; they stay in denial or refuse to acknowledge or deal with the inevitable. She allows herself to live according to her feelings, and everyone else is left to pick up the pieces and deal with the damage she has caused. It is not right, it is not fair, and it is not Biblical. (I am not including Bible verses because it is a ridiculous argument. Look them up yourself.)
This post is not to instill fear. This post is to educate, start a conversation, and raise awareness that changes are coming, hormones are real, and we are still required to do what is right, renew our minds, and do our part.
I am actively researching, interviewing, and seeking help from those who have gone through where I am headed. I don’t want to be scared, oblivious, or in denial. I am determined not to be dominated by my hormones but by the Holy Spirit. With His help, I believe we can overcome.
If you feel this is an issue you are struggling with or overwhelmed with, please seek help. Contact me, contact your pastor, your hormone doctor, a counselor, talk to your spouse, a loved one… anything to get your life back under control. Feelings can take over. We can easily bury ourselves in these emotions and feel there is no way out. But there is a way out. And if we don’t fight the process but seek help, we can climb up out of the pit and learn to live free from the control of our hormones.
I am praying for you, I love you, and we are in this together.
Love, Annie
And here is the reel we have all been anxiously waiting for:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DA3lXbrv6kM/?igsh=M2Zuemk3ZWV4YnNz
