Ladies… I’m touching on a topic that’s not my forte. I’m not a counselor, and I haven’t studied this in depth. I just want to bring to light some simple truths—things I’ve seen in my own life and throughout 20+ years of ministry.

We love to throw this term at other people, but today, it’s not about diagnosing anyone else. This is about you. Examining yourself.

Emotional manipulation.
We probably get away with it more than we’d like to admit. We’ve all used it at some point, whether we realized it or not. It shows up in many forms—learned behaviors, defense mechanisms, even straight-up deliberate tactics. For some, it’s a way to keep control. For others, it’s a way to avoid blame or sidestep the hard work of personal change. Whether intentional or just second nature from our past, it becomes an easy weapon to reach for when we feel threatened or cornered.

Have you ever cried just to make someone feel sorry for you? To play the victim? And did it work? If it did, you learned it works—and most likely, you’ll do it again.

What is manipulation? Let’s break it down.

“Manipulation is defined as an action designed to influence or control another person, usually in an underhanded or unfair manner which facilitates one’s personal aims.” – Wikipedia

So anytime we pull out tactics to shift the spotlight off ourselves, we’re manipulating.

I’ve done it. Every time I catch myself, I hate it. But the thought still creeps in: “This will work. This will get me out of this jam. Shift the focus off me. Make them feel bad for me. Then it’s not my fault…” It’s like second nature sometimes—not even premeditated—but as I’m doing it, I know what’s happening. And still, I go for it. I’ll use whatever it takes to get the attention off me and onto someone else.

In marriage?
Oh, we can be pros at this, get paid even. “Yeah? But you…” Cue the tears, the blame-shifting, the meltdowns, the silent treatment. If there are topics that have become “off-limits” between husband and wife—guess what? That’s a sign of manipulation hard at work.

In a leader-and-disciple relationship?
It’s the same game. A leader tries to bring correction—pointing out areas for repentance, growth, or change—but instead of receiving it, the disciple reacts. They get defensive. Maybe they break down in tears. They create such an uncomfortable atmosphere that the leader feels bad and backs off. The correction never lands. The issue gets buried. And in the end, the “disciple” gets exactly what they wanted: no accountability, no change.

Not good.

“Manipulative behavior occurs when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibility, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, lying, blaming, criticizing, and shaming, can damage a person’s psychological well-being.” – VeryWellHealth.com

I think we can all agree—the Lord hates manipulation. Let’s call it what it is: lying.
And God hates lying.

Proverbs 12:22 (ESV)
“Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.”

Romans 16:17-18 (ESV)
“I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.”

EEEWW!! Smooth talkers?? 

Colossians 3:9 (ESV)
“Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices.”

AND THIS ONE: 

2 Timothy 4:3-4 (TPT)
“For the time is coming when they will no longer listen and respond to the healing words of truth because they will become selfish and proud. They will seek out teachers with soothing words that line up with their desires, saying just what they want to hear.”

Just GROSS!!

QUESTION:
Do you only want to hear what makes you feel good? Are you always the one who must be RIGHT? You do NO WRONG…(aahhheeemmm… read the above verse.) 

Or do you want to grow?  Do you want to become more like Christ?  Do you have a sweet and humble spirit like we are called to have? 

Manipulation is a tactic that guarantees you’ll stay the same. No growth. No change. No responsibility taken for your sins, faults, mistakes, character flaws, or wounds. All the things Jesus died for—so you could be forgiven and set free. What was the Cross of Christ for if it wasn’t for this?  

“The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.” – James A. Garfield

What a quote! Facing the fact that you need to change never feels good! It’s miserable. It’s embarrassing. It’s humiliating. But you’ll survive. You’ll be iiigghhtt….Nobody becomes free, forgiven, and Christ-like without walking through that uncomfortable process.

John 8:31-32 (NLT)
“Jesus said to the people who believed in him, ‘You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’”

CHALLENGE:
Examine yourself. Look at the ways you dodge responsibility, avoid change, or shift the blame. Put a stop to manipulation in your life. We don’t use our emotions to control—we use them to bless, to love, to bring life.

Let’s be better.
Let’s do better.
And Go, Girls, let’s teach our daughters and disciples to do the same!