Why is it important that we are gracious with those who are suffering?
Because survival mode is ugly. Horrific, even. People don’t act like themselves when they’re desperate. They act like someone trying to claw their way out of something painful, devastating, or entangled with guilt and shame. And when you’re in that state, you’re not always rational. You’re not always kind. You’re just trying to survive.
Have you ever been that person? The one in survival mode?
I’m going to be vulnerable here🫠. During my divorce, I was that person. There were moments I didn’t even recognize myself. I was drowning in anger, guilt, and pain. I never stopped loving Jesus. Not once. But some days, you would’ve never known it by how I lived. I was hanging by a teeny thread.
The only reason I made it through was the grace of God… and a few faithful friends who chose to love me through my worst.
I lost a lot of friendships during that season. The critics came out in full force.
Some people couldn’t handle the mess—I was intense, and I get it. Honestly, I don’t even blame them.
But others didn’t just walk away—they walked out in ways that felt like deep betrayal, leaving wounds when I needed support the most. Friends I never thought would turned their backs on me and began speaking against me in ways I never expected.
There was one friend in particular that was very difficult to see go. She and her husband had once been very close to me, mentors even. But when I was walking through my divorce, she became one of my harshest critics. She spoke against me. She was cold, critical, even cruel. In recent years, she’s still continued to say unkind things about my husband and me.
And then… a few weeks ago, my husband and I were out with friends when we unexpectedly saw her. The moment she noticed us, her reaction was immediate—clearly emotional and unsettled. She lashed out, and it was evident there was still deep anger, pain and unresolved hurt. It was also apparent, without a word being said, that she was no longer with her husband and was now with someone else (I’ll leave it at that). I had no idea their family had fallen apart.
I cried on the way home. I prayed for her and her family. And I didn’t think, “Good! Now you know how it feels!” I wanted to think that. I tried to think that and to feel justified in my hurt.
But I couldn’t.
Instead, I felt her pain. Her devastation. The hopelessness. The heartbreak. I knew what it was that she was feeling, what she is facing, and I hated it for her. No one should ever have to feel those things.😞
Her behavior towards us? Easy. She’s in survival mode. And survival mode can be ugly.
The next day, I reflected on the whole night. And I was reminded of something deeper: we must be Jesus to people in their worst moments. In their pain. When they are unrecognizable. When they are overcome with sorrow or guilt. When they don’t even resemble themselves.
Be Jesus to people when they’re at the top and too proud to notice you—and when they’re at the bottom, losing everything.
Be Jesus when they are unbearable, unlovable, or undone.
Back to my original question:
Why is it important to be gracious with those who are suffering?
1. Because Jesus never stops loving YOU at your worst.
2. Because life is unpredictable—You never know when you will be the one in desperation.
Extend the grace you hope someone will show you in your desperate moment.
I wish I could have hugged my lost friend. I wish I could have loved her in that moment and assured her she’d be okay. But her heart didn’t have room for that from me.
And that’s heartbreaking. Because I could help.
So here’s the takeaway: treat people well. ALL people. Don’t be a sanctified jerk.
Change your attitude with the server who messes up your order. With your coworkers. Your neighbors who park in your spot. The stranger at church who seems off. The person who’s rude. The one who ghosted you. The one whose life is falling apart. The one who is not behaving in a “Christian way”. Give them some darn GRACE.
Love the unlovable. Be patient with the difficult. Lay your life down and be Jesus to the hurting, the angry, the messy, the broken.
And when life turns and you find yourself in need, you’ll be thankful you planted seeds of grace.
1 Peter 4:8 – “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.”
Go, Girls…. BE JESUS.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
