Have you ever found yourself being argumentative—debating or combating every comment, statement, idea, or thought? I sure have.
The BEST is when you and your spouse BOTH do it. Then it’s constant bickering back and forth, and no one catches a break.
A few weeks ago, Rich and I found ourselves doing this for three days straight. We had been in Indonesia for about two weeks, the beginning of a 3 month trip, and we just couldn’t seem to get along. We were tired. It is stressful when we first arrive, trying to adjust to a new life in a third-world country. We didn’t feel well, and we had been cooped up together every waking moment for a month. Every statement he made, I wanted to argue, correct, or combat. We were driving each other absolutely craaaazzzy.
What is happening? Why are we doing this to each other?
I asked myself, Annie, why can’t you shut up? LOL. Am I just arguing for the sake of arguing? Am I just filling the air with nonsense and noise?
Yep. I was.
“It’s a mark of good character to avert quarrels, but fools love to pick fights.” Proverbs 20:3
“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.” 2 Tim. 2:23 NIV
Okay Lord. Got it. I hear you.
As soon as I recognized this, the Holy Spirit helped me to hear and catch it the next time—or the next twenty times—I went to open my mouth. I was shocked at the number of times I had something to say that was NOT necessary and would only frustrate my husband, possibly to tears. And that is hard to do.
Some people grow up in this habitual, argumentative style of communication. Some use it as a means of control or a power play. Many reasons can be at the root of why a person feels the need to be argumentative, but the bottom line is—it’s exhausting. For you and the person you are combating.
It is YOUR responsibility to figure out why you do it and stop.
If this unhealthy pattern is in your life, there is hope. I believe that once a bad habit is exposed, God is gracious to help us overcome it and stop. You just have to be willing and listen to Him.
Is this the culture in your home?
Your children—are they allowed to argue with you? When you instruct them to do something or NOT do something, is there room for them to explain why they don’t have to obey or why they don’t feel like it? You are setting your children up for failure if so. How can they possibly learn to listen to the Lord if they are not taught to obey?
If that’s the environment they are growing up in, there’s a good chance it started at the top. It is imperative that this changes, or following the guidance of the Holy Spirit will be nearly impossible.
Make it a culture to show respect, honor, and active listening. Teach your children obedience—not questioning or challenging everything said. Restore peace in the home. Restore rest. Make it a place of comfort for you, your spouse, and your children.
Stop running your mouth and let what is being said just be said. Not everything needs a rebuke, a correction, a comment, a question, or a challenge. No one is at peace with constant combativeness, and it doesn’t feel good for anyone.
As you actively seek to change, don’t be surprised if the Holy Spirit wants to dig a little deeper and root out the core issues. Be open. Be ready and vulnerable. Let’s be better.
I love you and know we can do it!
GO GIRLS!!
