No matter what kind of dad you had — a great one, an absent one, a harsh or unloving one, a damaged one, or a passive one — at some point as adults we have to come to terms with the fact that our dads were just people trying to get through life. Sinners, just like you and me. Men who did their version of the “best” they knew how.
Our dads taught us — intentionally or unintentionally — what a father’s love is and what it means.
My dad was there for seven years, and then he wasn’t. He died of cancer, and the “dad figures” who replaced him were less than par. I was taught that a father’s love was unreliable — here one moment, gone the next — and that I wasn’t worthy of a good father’s love. Trusting love from a “father” was not an option.
But even with the best dad, the kind who seems to get it all right, he’s still just a man — and no man can fill the void in our hearts that only God can fill.
That “God-sized” void must be filled by our Heavenly Father. He created us, purchased us, and adopted us as His own precious daughters.
When we don’t understand what it means to be His daughter — to truly belong to Him — we get life wrong. We start filtering every relationship, and even our view of God’s love, through a distorted lens.
We don’t see ourselves as belonging to Him, so we live as something less. An orphan? A slave? A worker? A stepchild? A foster kid? But not a daughter.
I found myself always seeing God as someone I had to please in order to be worthy of His love. My heart couldn’t trust that He loved me. I was always expecting to suffer or to beg under His care.
Sure, I knew the right answers — “God loves me. I’m saved.”
But those answers weren’t what my heart believed.
The root of my beliefs was made up of lies the enemy planted when I was young — lies reinforced by years of wounds and “evidence” to back them up.
And boy oh boy, are they cemented in there! Sometimes it feels like a 50-story building has been built on top of those roots, and the work to “uproot” those lies about God is… a lot.
The good thing is, when you have a wrong idea of who you are in God’s eyes, the symptoms are obvious. Ain’t no denyin’ it! 😅
It doesn’t take long to diagnose the problem.
Let me list some of the symptoms of what’s often called “the orphaned heart.”
💔 Orphaned Heart Symptoms
I read that list and think, “I definitely used to do some of those things… maybe still do a few. But I am a leader, a PASTOR, and I know better now. God loves me and I am His daughter.”
Right?
But anytime I get into a jam, have confrontation with my husband or God pushes me to another level – THOSE SYMPTOMS ARE THE THINGS THAT COME OUT OF ME!!
So, even though my brain says “I am good”…. The fruit of my life is SCREAMING “I am NOT good!” I absolutely DO function dysfunctional and process love like an orphan. And it is disguised …until it is not.
I don’t live with rest. I don’t live with confidence in belonging.
If I were completely honest, I’d admit that I OFTEN feel like I don’t belong or aren’t really loved.
Striving is the perfect word to describe how I live — living for love, not from love.
So how does a true daughter feel?
I have no idea! I have never been given the opportunity to feel it. I would be so jealous of other girls in school who had a daddy to take them to the daddy-daughter dance, or pick them up from school, or come to their sports games, or one day walk them down the aisle.
And I realized — this wasn’t something I could fix by reading a book, listening to a podcast, or saying a quick prayer.
This was something I needed my Father in Heaven to reveal to me.
To remind me who I am.
And my part? To undo years of wrong thinking by renewing my mind to His truth — every day, every time my thoughts, feelings, or behaviors looked more like an orphan than His daughter.
SO… how does a Daughter of the King live?
💖 Healed Daughter Heart
I need to be honest. I read that list and feel like I have a long way to go. I am about to be 44… so many years wasted with no understanding of something so vital… God’s Love. But hey, I am starting now. And I am not allowing the enemy to rob me of ONE MORE DAY!
Because this is newly discovered in my own life and heart, I can only share what I am learning. So here are the things I have ACTIVELY put into place to begin the renewal of my mind!
💫 When Orphaned Thoughts Creep In
Healing happens little by little — when you catch the old thoughts and replace them with truth. It is not something we can just pray about and get over. It takes W-O-R-K.
Here are three simple ways I renew my mind when those orphan feelings try to return:
(That’s actually a huge lie. They aren’t simple in the midst of the battle, but we can do ALL things in Christ who strengthens us!)
1. Pause and Identify the Lie
When I start to feel rejected, anxious, or not enough, I stop and ask,
“What lie am I believing right now?”
Usually it sounds like: “I’m unloved.” or “I have to figure this out myself, I can’t trust.”
Naming it exposes it. You can’t heal what you won’t face.
📖 “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” — John 8:32
2. Speak the Opposite – the TRUTH.
I say out loud what Heaven says instead:
Words break cycles. The moment I speak truth OUT LOUD; peace returns in JESUS Name. When you speak it out loud, you are also hearing it, and so is the enemy. And speak it out loud as many times as it takes!!
“Let the redeemed of the Lord say so.” — Psalm 107:2
3. Return to His Presence
Instead of trying harder, I get quiet. I quiet my thoughts, emotions, fears… all of it.
I take a breath, picture myself with my Father, with His arms around me, holding me, and let His lovesettle me.
He’s not far away — He’s right here.
📖 “Be still, and know that I am God.” — Psalm 46:10
💖 Declaration
Father, You have not rejected me — You have accepted and wanted me from the beginning.
I am not abandoned — I am adopted into Your family.
I am not overlooked — I am chosen, known, and seen by You.
I am not earning love — I already have it, fully and freely in Christ.
I belong to You, and I refuse to live like an orphan when I am Your daughter.
Your presence is my home, Your love is my identity, and Your voice is the only one I’ll follow. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Go Girls, please take this journey with me. I am desperate for our healing so we can experience fully the LOVE of our Heavenly Father…
“And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.”
— Ephesians 3:18–19 NLT
TWO BOOKS you must read (both available on Amazon)
