Let’s talk about STRESS ADDICTION.
(If you want to stop reading now, we’ve already identified the problem🫣.)
The new year came with great expectations — and also INSANE to-do lists. Not just making a call or sending an email. My lists were more like:
That was one of six things with tight deadlines on my list at that level. 😅
Sometimes I feel qualified for my job. And sometimes I feel like I should have a master’s degree in something, ya know😩? My skills, ability, and creativity only go so far.
I was venting to my boss — and husband (same dude🫠) — about feeling frustrated that I wasn’t getting more help from him. And do you know what he had the NERVE to reply?
“You like feeling stressed, and you aren’t putting your stress on me. You do not have to be stressed about any of these things. You choose to be stressed. I am not participating.”
Can you believe this guy?? 😤The nerve!
And then, immediately while I was defending my position, I heard from the other Guy — the Holy Spirit — saying, “Your husband boss is RIGHT.”
Again. RUDE.
1 Corinthians 7:32a (NKJV): “But I want you to be without care.”
1 Corinthians 7:32a (TPT): “Because of this, we need to live as free from anxiety as possible.”
In my devotional the next morning, it became even clearer. What was this saying?
Think on eternity. Eternal concerns. Be eternally focused instead of being consumed with the things of this world. Yes, you have responsibilities — take care of them — and then return to an eternal focus.
The Lord pointed out that all my worries and concerns were about things He was going to help me do. My focus needed to be Him.
I repented. I asked the Lord for His grace, and His peace immediately came — as it always does. He is so faithful.
I felt better… but one comment was still bothering me.
“You LIKE feeling stressed.”
Was this true?
Yes. It absolutely was.
I wondered if I was the only one. And with one quick search, I realized this is how most of the world is operating. I came across the realization that this is actually a very real and well-studied mindset pattern…
CHOOSING stress? Here I am working hard to live with less stress as we find out how terrible it is for our health: body mind and soul, and I am choosing it. So cool.
Why? Stress becomes your identity. So far from the scriptures above… “Live as free from anxiety as possible”. 😔
The “Stress Identity” Mentality
People don’t always stay stressed because they have to.
Many stay stressed because stress has become who they are.
1. Stress Feels Like Proof of Value
If I’m stressed, I must be:
THIS one hit home for me. I realized I feel valuable, important, and needed when I’m stressed — and if I’m not stressed, I feel like I’m not important. FALSE.
When I’m stressed, I’m actually less helpful. And none of this has anything to do with my value.
2. Stress Feels Safer Than Calm
Calm feels unfamiliar — and unfamiliar feels unsafe. Rich always says, “people who were raised in trauma are addicted to drama.” Peace feels uncomfortable. Calm feels like, “oh no… it’s too calm, something bad is coming.”
Quick… create stress!
3. Stress Keeps Me From Feeling Other Things
Being busy and overwhelmed keeps me from feeling:
Stress is a distraction. HOW MANY of us are GUILTY of this?
We stay busy, distracted, and stressed because we don’t want to slow down and actually think about our lives.
Reality? This is NOT how Jesus planned for us to live when He set us free on the Cross. He died so we could have life, peace, and eternal focus.
4. Stress Protects My Identity
If I’m not stressed, I have to ask:
So I stay stressed. When I finally have calm, I start to question if I even have purpose — because I’m not DOING something.
Where did we get this idea? Of course I have purpose. And so do you.
We live in grace, not works. We are valuable because God says we are valuable. Our identity is in Christ, not in the things we do or the people we attach our worth to.
5. Stress Gets Me Praise
People notice and affirm stressed people:
Stress gets approval. (Well… not in MY house 🤣 — but maybe in some circles.)
And there have definitely been times when people see “all I do” and applaud me.
Again — we don’t do things for the applause of man, but for the applause of God. And that is definitely not a reason to choose stress.
Galatians 1:10ESV “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
6. Stress Feels Productive
Stress looks like effort.
Peace looks like doing nothing — even when it isn’t.
I shared with you before about our time in Indonesia last summer. I realized I wanted to be stressed because stress made me feel productive. Then the Lord made us wait — with NO work, at least not the kind we had planned — and honestly, it was horrible for me.
But waiting on the Lord was the only way we were going to be fruitful. While we waited, God was making BIG plans. Two months of what felt like “no work” were followed by one final month of miracles, where everything fell into place at once.
And guess what? It wasn’t stressful at all with God in charge. It was almost effortless.
That lesson changed my life.
Stress becomes an identity when we confuse pressure with purpose and busyness with worth. When we think like that, we can kiss peace goodbye — until we learn.
And not just peace in you personally, but peace in your relationships, jobs, ministries, and home life. None of it will have peace until you change the way you think.
This change doesn’t have to involve months of counseling or turn into a huge ordeal. Yes, sometimes support and healing are part of the process — but the shift always starts with a simple decision to change your mind. It could even be right now.
Choose that you will not be a woman who finds her identity and value in being stressed. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you recognize it, catch it, repent, and realign your mind with eternal focus each time He points it out.
Go, Girls — receive His peace. You’ll be a much happier, more enjoyable person to be around.😉🙌
Key Sources:
Robert Sapolsky
Field: Neuroscience & physiology of stress
Primary Work: Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers
Core Contribution:
Explains how humans sustain chronic stress through thought patterns and identity long after real threats are gone.
Bessel van der Kolk
Field: Trauma psychology & nervous system conditioning
Primary Work: The Body Keeps the Score
Core Contribution:
Shows how the nervous system becomes conditioned to familiar stress states and may experience calm as unsafe.
Brené Brown
Field: Social psychology, shame, and worth
Primary Works:
Andrew Murray
Field: Christian theology & spiritual formation
Primary Work: Absolute Surrender
Core Contribution:
Contrasts self-effort and striving with rest that flows from trust and surrender to God.
Derek Prince
Field: Biblical teaching & discipleship
Primary Focus: Teachings on striving vs faith-based living
Core Contribution:
Emphasizes faith, rest, and obedience over pressure-driven performance in the Christian life.
Biblical Psychology Frameworks
Field: Theology & spiritual formation
Primary Texts:
