We have officially left for our 3-month annual mission trip to Indonesia! Last week I sent my husband ahead of me while I remained home one more week to finish up with projects, packing, and goodbyes.
My final week was…. Terrible. HA!!
Overwhelmed was an understatement. I just found myself crawling into my bed and hiding from my dooming to-do list.
If you know me, you know that does not fit who I am… I NEVER do that. I am organized and able to knock tasks out, tackling one thing after another no prob.
For some reason I just couldn’t even begin. It was humbling.
Then my back went out. Which is really unfortunate before a 37 hour trip around the world. I couldn’t handle bending over to pack, lifting my suitcases, no position gave me relief.
Then… what do you know. A giant COLD SORE popped up on my face. This is my body’s cry for help, every single time. It punishes me and says “Girl you can ignore a lot of warning signs but you ain’t ignoring your face looking ugly.” HAHA
Definitely gets my attention.
Up until this point, I had been speaking “I am so overwhelmed, I feel like I can’t do this, I feel so stressed, I just want to be in my bed” to anyone and everyone who asked “how is your packing going?”… I mean am I supposed to lie?
No. I can be honest and ask for help or prayer… but my heart and mind kept rehearsing “you’re overwhelmed, you’re so stressed, you have so much to do, where can you even start?” and anytime I would think about it I could feel my body respond to the stress.
My body was literally responding to what my mind had been rehearsing. Siighhhh. I feel like I have written this post 129 times. LOL
Don’t worry there is a lesson and a happy ending.
1. MIRACLE: Jesus healed my back.
Friday, I was incapacitated. A few friends and my husband prayed for me, and when I woke up Saturday… NO PAIN. And I am currently sitting in an airport at one of my layovers and still feel great. HEALED. MIRACLES. Thank you, Jesus. He ALWAYS heals me.
2. HAPPY ENDING: My sweet friends came to my rescue. They helped me pack, organize, and forced me to make decisions. They even weighed my bags. And we ate Mexican food…WIN WIN.
Did I mention we MOVE there? For THREE MONTHS? And it’s not just throwing in some shorts and flip flops… We travel around all of Southeast Asia and minister in several different countries/cultures, which means different dress codes. Plus, any products we can’t live without for 3 months, plus our dive gear (because I am spoiled). Plus prepping my house to sit empty for 3 months. We got it 90% done, and I was focused enough to knock it out the day before my flight. Praise Jesus.
Regardless of those good things… the biggest thing God showed me wasn’t about my back or my packing. It was this:
3. LESSON: Speaking it into existence.
I went to my last church service the day before I flew out.
We were singing a song that said, “JESUS BE THE NAME WHO GETS ALL THE GLORY!”.
I immediately was so convicted I just started to cry and ask for forgiveness.
Isaiah 43:7
“Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”
Its literally what I was made for.
What “names” have I been giving glory?? Certainly not Jesus! Maybe He got a little glory… but ALL? Not even close.
The names I was giving glory were:
overwhelmed
stressed
pain
injured
I can’t
frustrated
this is a lot
…EEW.
Where was the name of Jesus?
He was an afterthought.
I know better.
But sometimes life gets loud, overwhelming, and exhausting… and before we realize it, we stop filtering our thoughts through truth. We forget what we know. We rehearse fear, stress, frustration, and limitation until they become the loudest voices in our heads.
Then Jesus gets our attention. (Thank you, Holy Spirit!)
And when He does, conviction comes. We repent. All of a sudden, we realize how much we need to do better. We remember who we are and WHO deserves ALL Glory.
The part that makes me most sad is that I hurt Jesus, and I care deeply about giving Him ALL the glory. That matters to me. So, realizing how much attention, agreement, and focus I had given to stress instead of Jesus… broke my heart.
I wasn’t just overwhelmed externally. I had become negative internally.
What if, instead of constantly rehearsing:
“I’m overwhelmed.”
“I can’t do this.”
“This is too much.”
…I had declared AND believed:
“I have the mind of Christ.”
“Jesus will help me.”
“He will strengthen me.”
“My friends WANT to help me.”
“I am not a burden.”
Would my body still have responded the same way?
Maybe not.
Maybe I would have slept more than 3–4 hours a night.
Maybe my stress wouldn’t have manifested physically like it did.
Maybe my back would not have rebelled the way it did, brat.
I said positive things to others a few times to save face, but internally my heart and mind were still feeding anxiety, pressure, and negativity.
But God’s purpose for us, for me, is higher than that.
We are called to reflect HIS glory with our lives.
“We can all draw close to him with the veil removed from our faces. And with no veil we all become like mirrors who brightly reflect the glory of the Lord Jesus. We are being transfigured into his very image as we move from one brighter level of glory to another. And this glorious transfiguration comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18 TPT
That’s exactly what this lesson did for me.
It transfigured me.
The more Christlike I become, the more my life reflects His glory instead of my circumstances.
So now I am sitting in Singapore. My trip thus far has been fine, another day to go, but JESUS is getting ALL the glory because no matter what … HE. IS. GOOD. And I am willing to take whatever is in the cup He has for me.
“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31
Godspeed girls, let’s do this!
