Got daddy issues?
I definitely have had my own battle with daddy issues. 🙄 What does that even mean?
“Daddy issues” are often explained as adult issues resulting from a negative relationship with one’s father in childhood or a lack of one entirely. – Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR)
“Attachment disorder (otherwise known as daddy issues) really comes down to which parent’s love was missing or inconsistent in your life and how that unfulfilled craving for love and connection has impacted your behavior in adult relationships to form emotional bonds,” says Tatiana T. Melendez, LCSW, CEO and founder of Encino, CA-based TTM Counseling and Psychotherapy Services.
Now I HATE throwing around the word disorder, mainly because our culture is victim to many so-called “disorders”. But this one I want to take a moment to address. Not on the psychologist side, therapist side, or counseling side… I want to examine how this issue impacts how we see GOD as our Father.
My dad? He was a great dad until he wasn’t. He got sick with cancer when I was five, I was seven when he had passed away. You already know my story if you have read many of my previous posts. The death of my father was followed by two more father figures, one who left and never spoke to me again and one who was a drunk and abused my mother.
So, trying to understand God as a father was like trying to understand a foreign language for me. And I am not quite sure I have it down yet.
Because I was abandoned by two fathers, trying to get someone to love me enough to want to stay and be my dad or boyfriend was a real thing. It developed this idea that if I didn’t please God the right way or prove myself, he would not take care of me and would not want me. Doing things out of a HAVE TO so that God won’t reject me has been a continual battle for me, requiring me to renew my mind ALL THE TIME.
Unfortunately, we all have baggage from our past. The most ordinary, perfect family comes with rejection, hurts, wounds, and stuff to deal with. That’s life, right?
👉But when your ideas about a father contaminate your ideas regarding your PERFECT Father, you have a problem.👈
How can we learn who God our FATHER is? How to see him, relate to him, and understand his love for us? Sometimes it’s difficult to relate to God because he is not human, but he sent someone that was both fully human and fully God to show us an example.
I found this excellent article by Rachel Britton regarding this topic. I wanted to share it with you. I have added a few notie-notes within this article here and there, but overall, I think you will really like what she has to say!!
So here we go:
“Jesus gives us a true picture of our perfect heavenly Father.
Jesus said “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9). and “I and the Father are one” (John 10:30). In His unity with God, Jesus reveals the Father to us.
🤔👉If we focus on Jesus, we will know the love, compassion, and safekeeping of God our Father.
(AN ACTUAL ANSWER to this “DISORDER”, tune in!)
Jesus has made known the character of God the Father through His life on earth and particularly His words and actions towards people.
So, what can we learn from Jesus that helps us correct a distorted view of God our Father?
What Jesus Shows Us about God Our Father
Jesus gave dignity to people deprived of their worth. He healed lepers so they could re-enter society (Matthew 17:11-14). He healed a woman hemorrhaging blood so she was no longer ritually unclean and could return to a normal life (Luke 8:43-47). Jesus restored a demon-possessed man to his right mind (Mark 5:1-15) and acquitted a woman caught in adultery (John 8 :3-11).
(FEELING WORTHLESS? UNLOVED BY GOD? UNCARED FOR? LOOK AT HOW HE TREATS PEOPLE FEELING THIS WAY…)
When your dignity has been taken away through verbal, emotional, or sexual abuse, then remember that God your Father spends time with those humiliated and disgraced by their conditions and restores their self-respect.
(DANG, SOOO GOOD. I LOVE THIS POINT.)
Jesus showed overwhelming compassion to individuals He encountered and crowds who followed Him. He felt pity not only for their spiritual state but their physical conditions too. Even when wanting solitude, Jesus continued to preach, heal, and drive out demons as the people clamored for Him (Matthew 14:12-14, Mark 1:35-39, Mark 6:30-34).
(SO LIKE… WE CAN’T BOTHER HIM, HE IS ALWAYS APPROACHABLE?? YES!)
🔥👉When all you’ve known is an absent father – whether due to death, work, or divorce – and you question your heavenly Father’s care for you, then be reminded that God never turns you away when you need Him😭.
Jesus responded intimately to those who needed Him. He led a blind man by the hand away from the villagers before putting His spit on the man’s eyes and healing him (Mark 8:22-25). He shooed out the crowd to be alone with a girl and her family before taking her hand and bringing her back to life (Matthew 9:23-25).
When your father has shown you little or no affection or attention, remember that your heavenly Father does not keep you at arm’s length.
(WHO IS FEELING LOVED BY THIS?? MEEEE!!! 😩😭✋)
Jesus began his ministry announcing the Good News and the time of God’s favor (Luke 4:16-19). If your own father has been authoritarian or stern with you and you fear reprisals for disobedience, then remember you are living in the time of God’s favor when, through faith in Jesus, you are given freedom.
(FREEDOM TO MESS UP, FREEDOM TO MAKE MISTAKES, FREEDOM TO BE FORGIVEN, AND WALK IN GRACE!)
Ultimately, Jesus showed God’s love for us through His death. If you’ve never felt truly loved by your earthly father, remember how God sent His one and only Son, Jesus, to die for you because He loves you. As Romans 8:39b says, “nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when he died for us.”
(NOTHING. LITERALLY NOTHING. EVEN IF YOU DON’T LIVE UP TO YOUR MADE-UP STANDARDS… his love cannot be separated from you and me)
Our understanding of God our Father may be flawed, but when we look to Jesus and through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can more fully know God as our good Father.“
- Written by: Rachel Britton, a British-born writer, author, and speaker.
I LOVE this.💞 If you want a better understanding of how to know God has YOUR FATHER, study JESUS.
Start in the book of Matthew and read through John (the Gospels), focusing on Jesus: what he said, what he did, and how he loved. Each and every time you are behaving in a way that exposes an unhealthy idea of who God is, remember JESUS. Renew your mind and walk in FAITH that a PERFECT Father loves you.
I will probably write more on this topic… I expect Jesus has some work to do in me as well, and I will be sharing… you know me! Open book! Even on the crap days! 🤣
I love you, and I hope this gets the conversation started in your life! Let’s not have daddy issues; let’s resolve them, be healed, and walk in freedom.
God Bless you!