Lessons Learned from My Terrible Etiquette 

I was in Manila, Philippines. The year was 2019. And the atrocity I am about to describe to you is burned into my memory like a bad dream.  

I was on an eating plan. Zero carbs. I was doing my very best to eat right, but when traveling, there are times when you have to figure it out and take what you can get.

We had just preached in several church services, and the pastors wanted us to join them for dinner afterward. I always enjoy times like these, where we share and discuss what Jesus is doing in the ministry! 

We ended up at a pizza place. Not really on my diet at all, but surely, I can find something to eat and not blow it, right? 🥴I ordered the chicken. When it arrived, it was thin strips of meticulously battered chicken, deep fried and heart attack ready. Not what I had imagined.  

I always try to use manners when I eat; I am aware of social cues and dos and don’ts. But this day… I completely lost my darn mind. All I was considering was my stupid diet and how I needed to be sure I didn’t get in a single carb.  

I got to work, picking off the carb danger like I am at the Angry Crab Shack, only without the bib or the bag of crab legs. I notice Rich keeps side-eying me… What? What is he looking at?? 

I don’t know; maaaaaaybe it could have been my plate piled high with scraps of batter, or my HANDS in my FOOD, covered in grease, or the fact that I was so focused on getting chicken safely carb free that I had not acknowledged one part of the conversation going on around me. 

Maybe it could have been any number of THOSE things. 😩

I was immediately embarrassed and asked the waiter to please clear my messy display of zero manners or etiquette as I tried to carry on in the conversation as if there was no crime scene.  

Thank goodness I was with people who are also friends, and they may not even remember. But I remember. But I promise they noticed. 🤦‍♀️ 

As a woman striving to represent Jesus, my husband, and my church by looking my best, behaving respectably, and having some class, that was unacceptable. I DO care about who I represent and how I make them look. I also care about showing up, looking my best, and behaving my best out of RESPECT FOR THEM.  

In Myka Meier’s book Modern Etiquette Made Easy: A Five-Step Method to Mastering Etiquette, she says,

“Etiquette is actually this fabulous way of conducting yourself to show respect, consideration, and kindness to those around you. It’s putting everyone and all living things before yourself. It’s about practicing social and emotional intelligence, or EQ (emotional quotient). The bonus is the polishing part. To put yourself together and look exquisite is not just about making yourself feel great but about making the people around you feel special that you got all razzle-dazzled up for them. See? In the end it’s still all about showing others respect through your actions. It’s an extra advantage that you look dashing in the end, too!”

  And that is precisely how I felt. My conduct was not showing respect for anyone at that table. Pastors I look up to and admire. But you know what? I could have been having a meal with a homeless person. It doesn’t matter who it is; they deserve my utmost respect and care because I love people.  

You might think… “Geeze, Annie, no one cares about how you ate. Or even how we dress. I wear my sweats to Walmart; NO ONE CARES; what is the big deal?” I used to feel that way too.  

But how you dress, behave, and carry yourself says more about who YOU are inside than you might think.  

People who don’t try in these areas often have a poor self-image. They put up “don’t care” as a wall, an untouchable front to avoid dealing with the REAL issue: a poor self-image and low self-esteem. If you don’t have self-respect, then it is challenging to have respect for others. 

Getting to the root of these issues is extremely important for your success and well-being. It is also crucial concerning your influence on others. As disciples of Jesus, don’t you think it is important to be able to have a positive impact on other people’s lives? I believe that is part of our calling, if I am not mistaken! 

I have ended up in high-end, high-class places where I, little farm-girl Annie from the woods of Montana, aka Annie Oakley🤠, do not belong. I have sat at dinner with millionaires. I have been treated to multiple-course meals by famous people and welcomed into people’s homes as a guest.  How I conduct myself, dress, and behave is extremely important. 

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“GOOD MANNERS OPEN THE CLOSED DOORS; BAD MANNERS CLOSE THE OPEN DOORS!”

– MEHMET MURAT ILDAN

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You won’t be invited back if you don’t think it is. You will show a lack of respect for others and yourself and, more importantly, represent Jesus poorly.

Proverbs 27:2 MSG “Don’t call attention to yourself; let others do that for you.”

Matthew Henry’s commentary: “We must do that which is commendable, for which even strangers may praise us. Our light must shine before men, and we must do good works that may be seen, though we must not do them on purpose that they may be seen.”

The heart of etiquette is not “Look at me, how put together I am.”. It is all about showing the other person they are worth the time, effort, and consideration you put into showing up looking great and conducting yourself representing Jesus.  

I can tell you that at the chicken catastrophe dinner, the Pastors and my husband both deserved more from me. And you know what? So does Jesus. I am determined to learn better etiquette and be an attractive light for Jesus in every single way. I don’t want to have poor self-esteem and miss out on Jesus using me to reach any type of person in ANY situation. I don’t want to disrespect the business owner, the elderly woman across the street, or the single mom franticly running around with four kids trying to keep her life together. 

I will show each of them respect and honor by showing them they are WORTH my care, manners, and love that I used to put myself together and give them my very best.  

I will add a final thought. When you try and look your best, it changes the way you carry yourself, speak to people, and feel. Do you want confidence? Get busy with your personal look and etiquette.  

Go, girl! Walk like you are a daughter of a KING. OH WAIT… YOU ARE. 😍👑

PS: The last time I wrote a post about etiquette, it was on how to dress according to the occasion. I received a comment that not all women have the means to run out and buy the latest and greatest. Yeah, me neither!!😅 But I DO have the ability to honor and respect those I am around by looking MY very best. So does everyone else. It is simply a matter of choice and effort. Let’s choose to represent Jesus.