Are You A Mood Manipulator?

My day was trash.  

I woke up so irritable. Probably my hormones. Everyone and everything was bothering me, including myself. 

If anything could go a little wrong, it did. I was wearing my day on my face full throttle. You could tell I was not a happy camper by one glance in my direction. But what do I care? Everyone needs to know that my day sucks. 

Honestly, I don’t care if they feel it, I want them to feel bad for me, and it’s nice to get a little attention. 

So, I carry on about my day hemming and hawing, sighing as loud as possible, and when asked, “Hey Annie, how are you?” I make sure they understand I am NOT okay… leaving them in the most awkward position possible.

I KNOW I am not the only guilty party here… is that true? 

I am unsure why I found this behavior acceptable for so many years, but I surely did. Except it wasn’t just one day here and there, it was how I lived my life. Why is this behavior unacceptable, socially, morally, and as a follower of Jesus? 

Let’s start with the obvious: 

1. Nobody Wants Your Bad Vibes.

When you walk into a room, nobody wants to hear that you had a bad day or don’t feel good. No one wants to be consumed with your negative attitude, spirit, and moodiness. Subjecting everyone in the room to your bad mood is not appropriate or acceptable.  

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” Proverbs 17:22 ESV

👉 Drying up the bones, sucking the life out of everyone, being a person who brings people down.  

“Successful, magnetic people don’t let others feel negative energy. Even if I’m having a bad day, while I’m never expected to be dishonest, I never share this negativity with others I want to connect with. Example: I walk into class after a difficult morning, and when someone asks me how I am, I might reply, “Let’s just say this coffee made my morning!”

– Meier, Myka. Modern Etiquette Made Easy: A Five-Step Method to Mastering Etiquette

Thank you, Myka, for your wonderful insight. If you want to be successful, if you want to represent Jesus, you must master and control those emotions.  The Bible lists some great attitudes and gifts we are to be displaying in Galatians 5:22-23

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” 

2. You Force Others to Show Concern.

If I can signal to everyone that something is wrong, they will be forced to ask, “Oh, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”. If they don’t ask, they are deemed as rude or uncaring.  

But it is YOU who are rude and uncaring when you place people in this awkward situation. They are forced to show concern, and because you force it, it is more of a nuisance to them than a genuine concern for your wellbeing. 

3. Feeding On Attention 

If you are a person who controls the room with your moods, you are someone who also is needy of attention. You desire to feel cared about; you want them to know you are not okay, that you are upset or having a hard time.  

👉You want them to stop what they are doing and emotionally engage in what you are emotionally engaged in.

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10

That behavior is definitely NOT placing others above yourself.  YOU want to be the star of the show! 

The root cause of this would be called R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N. “Please, someone, pay attention to me, like me, feel bad for me, look at me, focus on me for a few minutes.” 

Want the brutal TRUTH? 

When you create this scene, people don’t feel bad for you. They are annoyed by you. 😳

Rough, I know. I am sorry🥺.

But I lived years of my life doing this, and what it did was created people to reject me more, and the needy feeling I was trying to appease was never satisfied. I found that my grumpy attitude, and my need for attention, blended into my daily life until I was just a miserable person to be around. 

👉It had become a habit to look, act, and behave like something was wrong ALL OF THE TIME. 

WHO WANTS TO LIVE LIKE THAT?? 

Was something actually wrong? Yes and no. 

Yes, because I was rejected inside and not happy. I needed healing from Jesus and was looking for it in all the wrong places. 

And NO, because nothing in my life was bad enough to be grumpy and negative regularly. I just wanted to be. 

If you are caught in this cycle of mood manipulation, it is time to break free. Who wants to break free?? (SAY: MEEEE!!) 

So here is how… easy peasy… 🤪

1. Identify the Problem. “A problem well-stated is a problem half-solved” is a quote widely attributed to Charles Kettering, the head of research at General Motors from 1920 to 1947. You are already halfway to being free when you identify this as a problem, and one that YOU have, which is what we are doing together right now! Yay! 

• Get Healing for Your Soul. Yes. I am aware this is not just a point. It is a lifetime of work, addressing, re-evaluating, repenting, and changing according to the Word of God. It’s a lifestyle. But I find the rewards of living this way far outweigh the difficulty of facing our inner battles. 

(I will recommend some books below on dealing with rejection and identity below that will help!!  Also, don’t be afraid of seeking Christian counseling, they are trained professionals to walk you through the traumas of life.)

• Just STOP. When you are about to walk into a room, or responding to the question “How are you?” STOP. Ask yourself, “How am I entering this room?  What will my response be?  Will I bring weight and negativity? Will I infect others with my mood, my bad day, or hard time?  

Stop infecting others. Stop demanding others’ attention and concern. Stop being a mood manipulator.  

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” – Ephesians 4:29 ESV

• START. It is never too late to change! Be someone who lifts others, speaks life, encourages others, and is concerned for OTHER’S wellbeing.  Make it a point to reinvent yourself with the Holy Spirit.  He will make you into a new person! 

I have literally stopped at the doorway of a room, taken a deep breath, put a smile on my face, and reminded myself that I love the people in that room far more than I love my bad mood… and it works like a charm. In most cases, it changes my mood, and I forget why I was grumpy to begin with! 

Honor others above yourself and bring life to THEM.  Start setting an atmosphere of faith and life in every room you set foot in. Start being a person that others are drawn to and want to be like.  Turn your conversations away from yourself, and be invested and interested in the lives of others.  

YES, life will suck at times.  

YES, you must share your life with others and get help, prayer, encouragement, and support. WE need that. 

We are not walking around fake. We are walking around in emotional control. BIG DIFFERENCE.

There is a time and place for everything: Dealing with painful things, hard things, bad days, moodiness, hormones, and irritability… all have a time and place. 

Be in control of the where and when, and let’s aim to represent Jesus as He deserves. Go Girls!! WE CAN BE TREND SETTERS IN THE WAY WE SPEAK AND BEHAVE! 😎🙏🔥

Recommended Reading As Promised:

“God’s Remedy for Rejection” by Derek Prince

“Renewing The Mind” by Casey Treat 

“Bought With Blood” by Derek Prince 

“Who Do YouThink You Are” by Doug Graves