Recently, Rich and I went to dinner with another couple at a beautiful, romantic restaurant—the kind of place that feels special and intimate. The lights were low, the music soft, the atmosphere designed for connection. It was the kind of spot you’d pick for an anniversary, a proposal, or a meaningful conversation with people you love most.
About 45 minutes in, everything was going great—until we suddenly heard a loud BANG. Glasses rattled. My first thought? Someone must’ve dropped a tray of food.
Nope.
Just behind us was a leather couch area with a small, cozy table—and a woman had slammed her fists down on it. She immediately leaned forward, speaking in a low but heated tone, tearing into the man across from her. He looked completely humiliated, doing everything he could to stay calm and passive.
She, on the other hand, looked unbothered. If anything, she seemed proud of herself—justified in the outburst.
The wait staff froze. The whole room went quiet. I watched her body language—tense, sharp, aggressive. Her expression said, “That’s what you get.”
And the man? He just shrank into his seat, trying to disappear.
Now, I don’t know what the fight was about or whether he did something dumb. Who knows—maybe he was in the wrong. But her behavior? Completely out of line.
It made me ask myself: Have I ever acted like that? Have I ever caused a scene and felt justified in it? Sadly… probably.
And it didn’t stop there. A few minutes later, the waiter brought them a complimentary dessert from the chef—probably trying to ease the tension. She ignored it. He took a bite and offered her some. She refused. He threw the spoon down, asked for the bill, and awkwardly sat trying not to look at one another as they waited to pay and leave. As they walked out, she physically pushed him from behind—not like she couldn’t stand being near him, but like she wanted to make sure he—and everyone else—knew she was in charge. It was a final, forceful move to prove she was the one calling the shots.
Bizarre.
It was gross. Disrespectful. And she wasn’t even embarrassed. She was convinced she had the right to behave like that.
So… what can we take from this? Don’t throw a fit like a 2-year-old? Yes. Got it. LOL What else?
Ladies, how we treat our husbands in public matters. A lot. It says something about our character, our marriage, and our reverence for God’s order.
I came across a great list by Kevin A. Thompson—a husband, father, and author—on five things you should never do to your husband in public. I thought the points were spot-on, and I wanted to share them here. The list is his, but the thoughts and commentary that follow are all mine.
1. De-masculate Him
To de-masculate means to strip away a man’s masculinity. Mocking, belittling, or questioning your husband’s manhood—especially in public—is never okay. It’s the opposite of what God calls us to do. When you tear down his identity as a man, you do real damage to him, to your marriage, and to your witness as Christians. We are called to build up, help, strengthen… there is REAL power in our words. Use them wisely.
Want to see what that looks like in real life? Check out this post I wrote about it—
2. Mother Him
Yes, I’m married to a big baby (hi, Rich 😄). He loves to be spoiled rotten. But there’s a difference between nurturing and mothering.
You’re not his mom. You’re not his Holy Spirit. You’re not his boss.
Don’t speak to him like you would a child. Watch your tone (ugh… I am continually keeping mine in check). And don’t override his decisions or take the lead on things that are his to handle. Especially in public—how you speak to your husband says everything about the order in your home.
3. Berate Him
To berate is to scold or criticize harshly. Doing this in public puts your husband in a lose-lose situation. If he defends himself, he looks combative. If he stays quiet, he looks weak. Either way, it creates resentment because you’ve forced him into a corner. Honor your husband by addressing issues privately, not publicly.
4. Smother Him
Yes—your husband should be your best friend. And yes—you should enjoy doing life together. But give the man some space!
In social settings, it’s totally fine for you to talk to others, and for him to do the same. You don’t need to be glued together at all times. If the poor man can’t play a round of golf without you calling or texting him 18 times, girl, ya gotta back off… He needs room to breathe, have friendships, and pursue things that recharge him. That’s healthy. Marriage needs boundaries—but so do individuals.
5. Betray Him
Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is sexual betrayal—but many wives are guilty of a quieter form: verbal betrayal.
When you vent or criticize your husband to your mom, sister, or best friend just to blow off steam, you’re breaking trust.
Yes, there’s a place for godly counsel—but venting isn’t the same as seeking wisdom. Your husband has trusted you with the deepest parts of who he is. If you expose those things carelessly, don’t be surprised when he stops opening up to you. Sometimes I think we create the very things we DON’T want with our poor, un-Christlike behavior.
He needs to know you’ll cover him as he grows—not expose him when he’s vulnerable.
Ephesians 5:22–24 says:
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church… Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”
The CEV translation puts it like this:
“Honor Christ and put others first. A wife should put her husband first, as she does the Lord… Wives should always put their husbands first, as the church puts Christ first.”
This isn’t about being a doormat or excusing wrong behavior. It’s about respecting the role God gave your husband and living in a way that honors both him and the Lord.
Let’s be women who build up our men in private and in public—because the world is already tearing them down. The ENEMY wants to defeat them, and he will use anyone he can to do just that. Including YOU.
