MARRIAGE GOD’S WAY Part 1: TRIGGER ALERT: Are Wives Seriously Required To SUBMIT To Their Husbands?! 

Well, according to the B-I-B-L-E… Yes.  Yes, we are. 

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:22-24 

There is no dodging that bullet.  It is as clear as a bell.  But before we get our panties in a bunch, let’s talk about the GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY regarding submission in the home.  (Don’t worry, you will feel loved in the end, PROMISE.) 

So, the husband is responsible for being the “head” of the home.  Let’s talk about what that means.

            (Ps: I read a lot of other people’s stuff who are way smarter than me… some of it I am using here.  See the sources at the end!) 

What headship is NOT: 

• Headship is not power. It is not control. It is not preference, favoritism, or even special authority.  Abuse of this exists, but just because someone abuses a truth doesn’t make it any less true.
•  In western cultures, we take any reference to “leadership” as a sign of power and control. But that is NOT what biblical headship/submission is about! 
• Equality of Genders: We are not the same. We are designed for different roles, but we are both equals and loved the same by the Lord.  

“In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For just as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.” (1 Cor. 11:11-12)

Headship is responsibility.

It is a responsibility given BY God TO man, creating an accountability relationship in which man answers to God for how he spiritually disciples his family. (READ THAT AGAIN…YIKES!) 

It’s not a military captain who puts his wife in rank “under” him; they are equals.  It’s not a boss-employee relationship…that would do the same. 

It is not about power, control, or preference.  It’s about RESPONSIBILITY, about taking the role of… provider, protector, & priest… in the family.  AND… The HEAD answers to GOD for the condition of this responsibility. *** Thinking twice about wanting to be the boss?? I know I sure am.  

²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. – Eph. 5:22-23

“Paul avoided Greek terms (specifically ‘arche’) which indicated total authority (as in a chief, general, or ruler) in favor of the word ‘kephale,’ which can be translated as ‘physical head’ (as in a human head on a body) or first soldier into battle. 

“Additionally, Paul’s command for wives in Eph. 5:22 to ‘submit themselves, therefore’ or ‘be subject to’ their husbands uses a different Greek word than the one used in Eph. 6:1 for children to ‘obey’ their parents.” – Phylicia Masonheimer

So, our man is called to be the one who answers to God for our condition, to lay down his life for us, and to lead the home, like the first soldier into battle!  NO SMALL TASK. Stormie Omartian’s book “The Power of a Praying Wife” might be IDEAL for us to be diving into! 

So where do the wives fit in? 

So, I have been avoiding this verse in this post, but… the time has come, my girls.  I honestly threw a tiny fit when I first discovered this verse (sorry, Lord):

“Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain, you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 NLT

“To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”” Genesis 3:16 ESV

Part of the curse is that WE WANT TO BE THE BOSS, and we will desire to be contrary and in disagreement with our husbands… but he will remain the HEAD of the home.  Whether we like it or not.  

So GOOD News?  Jesus’ blood was shed to break all curses off of our lives.  In OTHER News?  God’s order of the home is NOT a curse… Jesus did NOT shed his blood to change God’s order.  

Ladies…wives are not commanded to bow to their husband’s every whim or grovel at their feet; Paul instead emphasizes the voluntary nature of submission. A better word to describe this action would be to ‘defer’ to one’s husband out of love and humility.

What does “defer” mean? It means to submit humbly to (a person or a person’s wishes or qualities).  Synonyms: yield, submit, give way, give in, surrender, comply with, agree with, respect, honor.

OUR JOB: We need to recognize the role the Lord gave our husbands; we need to see the importance and weight of it.  We do not want to go AGAINST God’s order, so we yield, surrender, and choose to give our husbands this role in our lives and homes daily. We no longer fight it or throw a fit when our husbands take courage and attempt to walk out these orders.  

I know, I know, I know.  I literally can hear all the arguments and what-ifs rolling in, genuine questions about specific situations.   Some (not all) arguments are so real and deserve to be heard. I’ll get to that in later blogs.   

But God’s word is God’s word.  And you will find that your flesh (the curse) may not like it, but as you die to your flesh, and obey the Word of God, God’s order in marriage is the most perfect, loving, peaceful, freeing plan ever written. God wrote it.  And to expect it to be any less… well.  That would show that you don’t know the Lord at all.  

To be continued… 

Blessings my beauties.  I love you all.  

Sources: Phylicia Masonheimer is a best-selling author, speaker, and founder of Every Woman a Theologian.