Something has been bothering me regarding single people within the church. Single people, both young and old, are serving in the church, attending life groups, some even leading their own ministries, and all of a sudden, they leave the church, only to be seen on Instagram “happier than they’ve ever been” with a significant other the church “family” has never seen or heard of before.
What?? Why?? Wouldn’t that be an area of life you WANT your church family to be involved in??
I understand that this question has many avenues of answers, but I thought I would bring some clarity to those who want to avoid the dating disappearance trick.
The GOLDEN RULE OF DATING. Not the 1st rule, which would be Mark 12:30, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”, but definitely a golden rule.
GOLDEN RULE: Lean on those in your life that love you most, can tell you the truth even when it hurts, and have your best interest in mind.
As disciples, we all want help in specific areas; we love the idea of accountability partners with the gym, reading the Bible, or attending church. We really love having someone listen to our problems and give us advice.
But when it comes to dating, we like to be private; we don’t want anyone in our business, especially when we want to do what we want to do.
The problem is when our minds are made up, without wise counsel, and then we find all sorts of advice being offered everywhere that lines up with what we WANT to do… the world is screaming it non-stop. If we are honest with ourselves, we are often just surrendering to our own cravings, ignorance, and heart throbs.
The Bible commands us to seek wise counsel. Marriage is the second most important decision you can make in your life, after your life for Jesus. Wouldn’t you seek the BEST counsel to ensure your decision is not just your own emotions, body, and desires making it for you?
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” Proverbs 12:15
“Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days. Many plans are in a man’s heart, but the counsel of the Lord will stand.” Proverbs 19:20-21
“Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors, they succeed.” Proverbs 15:22
Other Christians that have been close enough to see you as a real person with problems, faults, sins, struggles, and weaknesses, can help you be on guard for areas you are not so strong in. They also know your unique needs and can help identify RED FLAGS that we are blind to with “love eyes”.
“Yes, he does have dreamy eyes and great knees, but he has no job: HUGE RED FLAG.”
“Dating often isolates us from other Christians in our lives. The closer we become with a boyfriend or girlfriend, the more removed we are from other important relationships. Satan loves this and encourages it at every turn.” – Marshall Segal – author of Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness & Dating.
If you are in the dating season, DOUBLE DOWN on family, friends, pastors, and leaders with intention, openness, honesty, and communication. Allow them the right to step in when you are drifting. Be accountable to them, and when a relationship they deem unhealthy, untimely, or inappropriate comes along, allow them to step in and help rescue you from significant mistakes in your life. Surround yourself with those who will relentlessly point you to JESUS, even when they know it will upset you. Let them remind you to pursue patience, holiness, purity, and JESUS first.
As a divorced woman, I had many red flags. I had someone plead with me not to go through with the marriage, but I refused any counsel. My mind was made up.
I have experienced death in my life, sickness, betrayal, loss, abuse, and countless other difficulties, but divorce is one of the most painful. It destroyed parts of everyone involved, including my children. But I cannot undo the past. I can only plead with you this: marriage is difficult, but your choices in a spouse will ensure the best possible outcome with Jesus on your side. Include those God put in your life to help keep you on track. It would be silly, or unwise, as the Bible calls it, to abandon their help in this season.
Follow this Golden Rule. Set your life up for success, for WINNING, for JESUS’ plan, and you will never regret it.
God Speed.
Love it! Agree 100%. Single girls (I am one) should decide who they want to be and set boundaries before any relationship begins, not as it unfolds. Choosing now will help you stay on course later. Ps Annie is right, people you love and trust should be involved!