The DREAMTEAM Marriage

Being a TEAM in marriage was a foreign concept to me. I understood that dividing chores and arranging schedules… clearly takes “teamwork”. But I hadn’t considered being on a team with my husband when it came to things like facing personal battles or failures or being his cheerleader and helpmate when it came to his shortcomings and flaws. 

I had always felt more like I was on the opposing team. Ask me to keep score for my golf game or the family showdown of charades; no can do. The worst. I am always fired and always seem to win. 🤣

But I didn’t miss a single point when it came to keeping score in my marriage. I kept score and had a constant tally of “you owe me” stacked against my spouse at any given moment. 

You can imagine that didn’t create a pleasant atmosphere in the home. It didn’t make me lovable, approachable, or fun to be around. I was too busy building a case against my husband to be nice. It made me miserable, and I found myself in constant opposition to the person I was supposed to be a helpmate to. 

“Keeping score is a “me-centered” way of operating, by which you’re elevating your role in the relationship to a place of superiority. And if you’re “up,” then your partner has only one place to land: down.” Sheryl Paul, M.A.

When you’re focused on yourself, keeping score, and ensuring you’re being treated properly, you’re not actually in a relationship with another person—you’re in a relationship with your thoughts about the other person.

Ew. Gross.

You can talk yourself right out of your marriage by thinking and living this way. The resentment grows, and you intentionally look for more ways to build a case against your spouse, proving you are “right” in your accusations. Amid all your ‘score-keeping,’ you will find that you have entirely forgotten the blessing God has given you in a spouse, a teammate, someone who is always in your corner.  

I like to look at the Cross when I catch myself keeping score. I want to gaze at it and remember who I am. I am a sinner, a wretch who had no hope apart from the grace, mercy, and forgiveness of my Lord Jesus. I am a person rescued from the pit of Hell who has been blessed with a spouse, a family, and God’s favor and goodness. How dare I elevate myself above anyone?!  

I have been given a teammate. I do some things better than him, and he does some things better than me. I pick up more slack some days or even in some seasons, and he does the same for me. He gives more than me in ways, and vice versa.   I realized I was so busy keeping the devil’s score that I overlooked all the things he contributes, all the positives he brings to the table and the wonderful friend and person he is to me. He did more than me in many ways, but my rigid, defensive outlook hadn’t allowed me even to notice.  

How unfair to my teammate. My partner, my lover, my companion. How demonic that I would side against him. We are a team, and teams are infinitely more resilient than individual identities trying to coexist.

TOGETHER, we can conquer impossible things. We can overcome the difficulties and challenges that just one standing alone may be unable to do alone. Stop ganging up on your spouse; stop nit-picking their every move. Let them be an individual; value and appreciate all they bring to the table. Some of us must get on our knees and repent for siding with the enemy in our marriages. What God puts together, let no man separate (Mark 10:9)… and that includes your thinking😬.  

Here are some Scriptures to consider, meditate on, and memorize—team up against the enemy in your life, marriage, and family. Go, girl, and get your cheerleading outfit on😘! Let’s be the helpers we were designed to be. 😍 

“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” – Genesis 2:18

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” – Ephesians 4:2-3

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” – 1 Peter 4:8

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” – Romans 12:10