My husband takes off about 3-4 times a year on trips overseas, and I get ditched occasionally. SAD. But I survive.
He is currently away on a 3-week trip, and the time apart is precious to us both. Yes, you read that right. We love being able to separate for short periods of time… because it gives us time to develop a deeper desire for one another, and we recognize the things we had been taking for granted in each other.
“Okay! You can throw your clothes on the side of your room every single day if you want to! Just please come home!” – Me.
The other thing I genuinely love/hate… is the time of personal growth I experience having more time just me and Jesus.
I love it because I want nothing to hinder my relationship with God. I hate it because God always exposes things I need to change, and it is never easy.
Jesus uses this time to straighten me out, refocus me, and make me entirely reliant on Him.
Sometimes, I can get careless and begin to use Rich in the Lord’s place. Too reliant, to dependent on my husband. I mean, he is right there…and big and strong… and the boss… sorta😜. Okay, I’m kidding; he is totally the boss. It is SO EASY to dash to him with all my needs. But I rely on him for maybe too much.
Initially, in the first few days of separation, I am loving the quiet time. The space. The free schedule. But my responsibilities with our ministry can be heavy with him gone, and I find myself wanting to rely on Rich to lighten the load. This is when the Lord begins to deal with me.
Who am I, apart from my husband? Who am I apart from my kids? Am I an individual? Or do I see myself connected to another person and incomplete without them? Why do I feel insecure without him? Why do I feel less confident doing what I am called to do when he is away? Am I using my husband as my safety net? My crutch?
Possibly. Not possibly, most definitely.
Yes, I am aware of the Bible verse that says the two shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24) … and yes, I am also mindful of the movie where Tom Cruise, playing Jerry Maguire, tells the love of his life, “You… Complete Me.”
That is all fine and dandy, but while we say “you complete me” in a romantic setting with wine and candles… it is the LORD that needs to do the completing.
If God doesn’t complete you as an individual person, NOTHING your husband brings to the table will solve your problems. I have learned that I need to be a WHOLE and COMPLETE individual in my marriage and other roles. GOD defines who I am. He gives me purpose and instruction and is the one I must run to for all issues within and outside myself.
The Lord wants a close intimacy with me, not through another person or with me together with another person. He wants to speak to me directly and develop me for MY purpose and calling. The first PRESENCE we need in our lives is not our marriage, some kids or single ladies… a boyfriend or two. It is the presence of God.
When Rich leaves, I can see the holes. I can see the areas where my needs are being appeased apart from God. I say appeased because those needs are only temporarily made to feel better, not truly met.
When I feel lonely, bored, needy, sad, angry, defeated, depressed, challenged, overwhelmed… my first instinct is, “I need to get ahold of Rich, then I will feel better.” Being unable to do that FORCES me to face the realities of wanting to bypass the Lord altogether.
Some of you don’t use your husband to do this. You use work, ministry, the gym, eating, and keeping yourself preoccupied to make yourself feel better. You are NOT off the hook.
You may need time with your spouse or even a best friend… but only after some time alone with Jesus. Don’t medicate. Go to the source.
I think of Elizabeth Elliot, who became a widow after less than three years of marriage. She didn’t fall apart. WHY? She was an individual who had her own relationship with the Lord and a direct calling and purpose He had tasked her with. Then she met Jim. SHE WAS IN THE HABIT of allowing the Lord to meet her needs.
So yes, while she was heartbroken, grieving… and needed to regroup some things in her life after the brutal murder of her husband in the mission field… she was also in God’s hands and was not a lost cause. She confided in the Lord, with whom she had ALWAYS confided in. She knew right where to run.
She is one of my heroes and many examples of great women who understood the importance of a personal relationship with Jesus. I want to be one of them. I want YOU to be one of them.
So, send your husband away. Just kidding.
But DO re-evaluate your dependency on him and all other things you may use as a crutch.
DO allow the Lord to examine your heart and relationship with Him and see where it falls on your “importance scale.” Pay attention to who or what you are running to with every need, void, or delay in gratification. If it’s not the Lord, it won’t fulfill you or God’s purposes for you.
Go, get to God… and get in the habit of HIM being your Savior. Oh… that’s right, BECAUSE HE IS.
God Bless!
OTHER RESOURCES & LINKS:
Learning to Be an Individual
Identity Crisis